At the end of every year I take time to reflect on the twelve months prior, to remember all of the things I experienced and learned, to laugh over the funny pictures, to make sure that I properly close the book on 2012 before I open a new one (see last year’s post here). This year I feel overwhelmed just thinking about doing that. There is just SO MUCH!
This year I….
Felt stuck and sad
Was sick, exhausted and burnt out
Lost my job
Decided to move to the Middle East
Changed my mind and decided to stay in Canada
Met the man of my dreams (literally)
Moved to the Mainland
Put 5,000 km on my car driving back and forth to Portland, Oregon
Got my dream job about 10 years before I expected it
And those are just the high points! I learned more this year about listening to the still, small voice of God than ever before. I spent a lot of time resting, investing in relationships, drawing back from time commitments, driving alone, listening to music, and re-discovering what I want to do when I grow up. I experienced so much and learned so much this year that I cannot even hope to do it justice in a blog post. These things are rolling around in my heart and I am still figuring out how to process them all.
Last night as I sat watching The Hobbit with my head on Tim’s shoulder, it hit me all at once. “This is my life.” It looks nothing like I expected it to. Not even remotely. I looked up at my bearded man, wearing his hipster toque and smiled. I was supposed to be celebrating Christmas in Bethlehem this year. Instead, we spent it with our two amazing, massive families. It’s not Bethlehem, but my goodness, it is such a beautiful thing. What a beautiful gift this life is.
This whole year has been so very unexpected, but so very special. The hardest year of my life, by far, but also the best, by far. God knew. Last winter when I laid my head down on an empty floor and cried my heart out for clarity and vision, I had no idea what would come next. But He knew. He knew what I desired, what I hoped for, what I dreamed, what I needed. Each Season of this year has been so distinct. He held my heart through the darkness of Winter, whispered peace and joy to my soul throughout the tumultuous Spring and Summer, brought my passion and fresh revelation bursting to life amidst the changing colours of Autumn. It is Winter again, but it is dark no longer. This year has been one of rebirth, regeneration and redemption. Things that were lost in me have been found again. The Light is alive and well, gleaming within me.
At the beginning of this year I chose the word MOVE for 2012. I had no idea how prophetic that word would turn out to be. In the midst of all the seemingly standing-around, things were shifting by the moment under my unsteady feet. This year certainly moved me from one place to another. I started this year in tears (literally), but I end it filled to the brim and overflowing with joy in a whole other place.
When I look at my list of Goals for 2012, no, I didn’t complete every one. I didn’t blog as much as I intended or journal as much as I should have. I didn’t take piano lessons or exercise three times a week. But the things that mattered? I did them. And yes, there were days that I hid in my bed and cried because I just couldn’t comprehend what God was doing. But I grew.
And I moved.
I Moved Forward in my relationship with God, my dreams, my vision and my career.
I Moved Out of Nanaimo and Moved In with two amazing girls (in Langley) who daily speak life into me and bring so much joy and laughter to my world.
I Moved Back my opinion of myself and Moved Up the importance of God’s voice in my life.
I Moved On once and for all from some things that really needed to just stay in the past.
I Moved Over and made space in my life and heart for new relationships, possibilities and experiences (including one incredible man).
I Moved Up from the hole I was stuck in and stood once more on the Rock that is higher than I.
I Moved In on the dreams and desires that God had long ago placed in me and Moved Into a new full-time ministry position.
I Moved Down some misplaced priorities, and Moved Up others to their rightful places.
I Moved Over and allowed silent and empty space to form in my life, to make room for the Holy Spirit to Move In Me.
I am not done moving yet and He is not done moving in me. But as for 2013…well, I expect it is going to be one crazy adventure!! And that, will be a whole other story.